Disarming Parents of Elementary Students About Homosexuality

'How to Play With Your Classmates' Sex Organs':
Disarming Parents of Elementary Students About Homosexuality

How to disarm parents of elementary students who are being taught the homosexual agenda was told to the attending teachers at one of the Fistgate sessions held this year at Tufts University.

A morning workshop promised to help participants "explore ways to manage and facilitate classroom discussions and dynamics related to issues of sexual orientation," in a session titled: titled Transforming 'Awkward Moments' to 'Teachable Opportunities': What Happens When Issues of Sexual Orientation SEEP/CREEP/POP! into the K-6 Classroom.

Jennifer Bryan, Ph.D., a lesbian educational consultant from Northampton, began by cautioning participants to beware of using traditional "development models" when addressing children on homosexual-related topics.

"Some of the models rely on formulaic and narrow interpretations of children's development; some models rely on ages and stages; and very few textbook models make room for the complex variables that really truly make up the child's experience." Instead, said Bryan, educators should critique models to see how well they fit "who your children really are."

Bryan said there is "a lot of emphasis" on waiting to give children certain material until they're "really ready" for it. "That sounds reasonable," she said, "and yet it's often a kind of a rigidly defined readiness. It [is based on] the premise that kids have to reach a certain point before they can engage issues. And, I guess I believe that, there's plenty of room for kids to learn about a concept that they don't understand in its entirety. The idea that we're going to wait until children are entirely ready to talk about issues like family diversity, to me, is a way to avoid it, a way to postpone it."

Instructor: "Now, what do we know about our sexual orientation? Is it really about sex?"

Student: "Well, I think it really is about sex, because the difference between me and someone who's straight is that I think about having sex with another guy."

Instructor: "That's not what you're going to tell one of the parents when they ask you, is it?"

Student: "I guess not."

Instructor: "That isn't what you're going to say to the parent."

However, Bryan admitted, "Everybody's worried that we're going to be talking about sex."

She offered several suggestions for deflecting concerns about discussing homosexuality with elementary students: "You need to help your parents, your colleagues, your administrators understand that you are talking about relationships; you are talking about families; you are speaking about love relationships. You are not talking about same-sex acts."

The rationale for talking about relationships, Bryan said, "is because you're trying to create a safe learning environment for everybody." Other excuses include, "helping kids learn communication skills" and "intervening."

"Maybe you have two kids who were going to go on a 'play date' together, and then Johnny learns that Bobby's got two moms, and he was kind of freaking out and didn't really know what to say or how to talk about it, and there you were. So you were intervening; you were not talking about sex."

The tall, blue-eyed Bryan cited several "misperceptions" people have about homosexuality, including the idea that: "If you're talking about it, you're promoting it." If confronted in this way, teachers should respond with, "There are a lot of things we talk about in school that we think it's valuable for kids to learn about, so that they're intellectual thinkers, so that they're skilled, interpersonal, community members."

If parents object, "You shouldn't be talking about this at all," or "This is not part of your mission. I didn't pay my taxes to send my kids to schools to learn about this," teachers should reply, "My mission is actually to provide an education to all my students and a productive learning environment for all my students, and if this issue is not being addressed in a fair and equitable way, then I'm not doing that. I'm not fulfilling that mission."

Insinuating that moms and dads are enemies, Bryan continued, "Teachers need to help parents or whoever the detractors are to understand it [homosexuality] has already been talked about [in the classroom by the children]." By bringing up the issue, the teacher is merely responding to the needs of the class.

Bryan presented a white sheet listing the factors that hinder discussing homosexual issues with students. Among them:

Bryan divided the audience into small groups and assigned each group a possible scenario that might occur in elementary school classes. Each group was asked to discuss emotional reactions to the scenario and "How you're going to respond if anybody questions you." Examples:

"In kindergarten class during circle time, children are sharing about what they did over the long weekend. Out of the blue, one boy raises his hand and asks, 'Can a man marry a man and a woman marry a woman?'"

"At a parent/teacher conference, 2 gay men who are the foster parents of a girl in your third grade class, present you with a book that they want you to include in the classroom library. Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin is a photographic essay of a typical week for Jenny and her two dads. As you leaf through the book, you notice one photo of Jenny waking up her two fathers and another of her reading in bed with her two fathers. You feel uncomfortable and aren't sure what to say."

There were a couple of self-identified gay boys in the workshop who appeared to be about 16-years-old. Bryan asked, "Now, what do we know about our sexual orientation? Is it really about sex?" There was dead silence in the room, and then one of the kids hesitatingly responded, "Well, I think it really is about sex, because the difference between me and someone who's straight is that I think about having sex with another guy."

Bryan was taken aback and said, "That's not what you're going to tell one of the parents when they ask you, is it?" The kid answered, "I guess not." So then she said, "That isn't what you're going to say to the parent. You are going to go back to this," - and she pointed to her chart and said -- "it's nothing more than your identity; it's just about who you are.'

After about 10 or 15 minutes, the kids left. I think they were bored because it was mostly teachers in there. One of the attendees was thinking, "Ask a babe a question, and they'll give you a truthful answer: It really is all about sex."

The following "Tip Sheet" for incorporating homosexual activism into schools was distributed to all attendees of Fistgate.

Say the words "gay," "lesbian," "bisexual" and "transgendered" more often. It is important for students to hear these words in a positive context and not just when homophobia is being addressed.

Challenge homophobia at your school among staff, students and yourself.

Include the history of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered individuals in your curriculum, whether it is English, history, art, psychology, science or physical education.

Conduct in-service trainings for staff on homophobia and its impact on gay and lesbian youth.

Have something gay-related visible in your office or classroom: a poster, a flyer, a brochure, a book on your shelf, a button, a bumper sticker, a SAFE ZONE sticker, etc.

Guarantee confidentiality with students.

Normalize and validate students' feelings about their sexuality.

When teaching about families, mention all types of families, including gay and lesbian families.

Let students label themselves.

Help begin a Gay/Straight Alliance within your school.

Dating Violence within GLBT Communities

Expectations of GLBT College Life: Being Healthy, Safe and Fun, described in the program book as a workshop that "will focus on the novel thrills and perils students may encounter, such as homophobic roommates, sexual encounters, violence, harassment, access to drugs/alcohol and the impacts of these factors."

Asian Sexuality

Queer Theory 101

Broadening the Story of America: Incorporating GLBT Individuals and Voices Into a U.S. History-Based Social Studies Curriculum by Marc Lewis, a 7th grade social studies teacher at R.J. Grey Junior High School in Acton; and

Understanding Transgender Issues: Trans Youth Speak Out by Grace Sterling, executive director of Boston Alliance of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered and Questioning Youth (BAGLY).

Several workshops were geared specifically toward young people, as denoted by gray shading in the conference program book. They included:

Homophobia Has Got to Go: Finding Strategies for Addressing Name-Calling in Schools, a "youth only" session led by Newton South High School history teacher Robert Parlin;

Beyond School Walls: Activism and Your GSA/Diversity Group, where participants discussed "the best way to make your resources and talents count towards creating a better society"; and

Why is There No T in GSA? - Transgender Issues & GSAs by Paige Kruza, Massachusetts state student organizer for the Day of Silence and a 2002 member of the Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth.

Founded in 1996 at the University of Virginia, the Day of Silence (DOS) takes place annually each April. Students keep silent throughout the school day to protest the "actual silencing" of sexual deviants.

Copies of GLSEN's Day of Silence 2003 Organizing Manual were available at Fistgate. The book provides instruction for students on "understanding relations of power," "coalition building," "creating a timeline," "maximizing the media," and "how to handle roadblocks."

On page 13, the book also advises kids to "brainstorm a list of all the people who are likely to stand in your way. This list should include teachers, counselors and administrators who've denied you their support in the past, or who've expressed bias against LGBT people. It should include peers, relatives, school board members and people in the community who have shown intolerance of LGBT people, or opposition to initiatives supporting LGBT students. The people who oppose your issue are known as, you guessed it, your opponents."

Planned Parenthood and its fisting kits were absent from this year's conference; however, several organizations manned tables or were otherwise represented at Fistgate, including:

Atrium School

Boston Gay/Straight Youth Pride March (upcoming on Saturday, May 17)

Boston Gay Men's Chorus

Boston AIDS Walk and 5K Run (upcoming on Sunday, June 1)

Latin American Health Institute

Gays for Patsy, a country and western dance group

Massachusetts Teachers Association

Massachusetts Asian AIDS Prevention Project

Massachusetts Department of Public Health

Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD)

National Gay and Lesbian Athletics Conference (held at MIT on March 28-30)

National Youth Advocacy Coalition (NYAC)

Human Rights Campaign, which distributed a "Resource Guide to Coming Out"

Tufts University had its own table at Fistgate containing fliers advertising the April 5 Safe Colleges 2003 conference. The free conference, "for queer students and their allies," is open to high school students and comes complete with an evening, "Drag and Dance" show.