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PLAYING
WITH YOUR CLASSMATES SEX ORGANS
Newton Teacher Tells
What to Do When a Student “Comes Out” to
You
By
MassNews Staff
May 2003 Print Edition
Newton South High School guidance counselor Doug Neuman
led a session named: "A Student Just Came Out
to Me, Now What Do I Do?" A handout packet that
he distributed gave the following advice to teachers,
from the San Francisco Unified School District, for
helping students declare their homosexuality - and
undermining parental authority and morals in the process:
"Certainly, one of the first issues upon which
a teen may focus is whom to tell about the evolving
understanding of his/her sexuality. As school personnel,
you may be the first adult in whom a gay/lesbian or
bisexual teen confides. Besides providing important
support for the young person, you can also enable
the teen to answer some questions before disclosing
his/her sexual orientation to others.
"Create a safe space for the student by assuring
him or her that what is shared with you is respected
and will remain confidential information.
"Suggest that the student do some reading on
the topic of homosexuality.
"If the adolescent has not already discussed
sexual orientation with friends or family, the supportive
environment you have created may lead the young person
to assume others will respond similarly. The personal
safety of the young person is paramount.
"If the student is still questioning issues of
sexual sexuality, and experiencing periods of depression
or confusion, it might be better to wait before telling
family and friends. Coming out to others requires
courage and may demand patience and energy. Unless
the young person is comfortable with his/her awareness,
dealing with the concerns of others may prove a liability.
Encourage the student to talk with you, another supportive
adult or another professional, to sort out the issues
about which he/she is still expressing concern.
"Further, if the student is financially dependent
upon parents, and if the parents do not receive the
news well, will the young person be kicked out of
the family home? It is believed that the largest number
of young persons living on the street are there because
their homosexuality was not accepted by their parents.
"Does the family have preconceived notions about
homosexuality that another adult can assist them in
confronting? It may be helpful for you or another
professional to assist the student in telling family.
Another adult may calm parents' concerns about their
child and provide important education and resources.
"Finally, be sensitive to the cultural and religious
background of the family, which may plan an important
role in how a family member's homosexuality is received."
Neuman's packet also contained a questionnaire by
Parents and Friend of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) of
Los Angeles for helping students decide when to "come
out" to their parents. Among the questions:
Are you sure about your sexual orientation?
Are you comfortable with your gay/lesbian sexuality?
What is the emotional climate at home?
Are you financially dependent on your parents?
What is your relationship with your parents?
What is their moral/societal view?
[As MassNews has reported before, the famed "Sexual
Behaviors Consultation Unit" at Johns Hopkins
Medical School has indicated that it does not believe
this is a decision that should be taken lightly. A
story in the Winter 1999 edition of Hopkins Medical
News told about a 17-year-old boy who was brought
to a meeting of a dozen professionals because his
parents had found pornographic, homosexual literature
in his room, after which he announced he was homosexual.
Some of the questions asked by his parents were, according
to the article, "Is their son engaging in risky
sexual interactions? Is his homosexual orientation
set in stone? Or is this just a variation of an ordinary
adolescent identity crisis?" Although they did
not reveal what happened with the boy, it is clear
that no one took his decision lightly as they do in
the schools of Massachusetts. Later in the article,
they referred to him as a "troubled" teenage
boy. For more, search MassNews archives for "Johns
Hopkins."]
Sidebar:
Children's Filmmaker
Says "Gay Allies" Needed to Push Homosexuality
in Schools
During a
morning session, conference keynoter Debra Chasnoff
gave a screening of her film, It's Elementary. She
said the movie is being shown all over the country
and even in Catholic schools. She was really proud
of that.
Chasnoff said that a school in Madison, Wisconsin,
had problems showing the film because of parental
permission slips, but that Cambridge Rindge and Latin
School had no problems.
Chasnoff stressed the need for allies. She said that
you need to first find teachers who agree with your
perspective, then get them to question the principal
so he'll show the film. She said that it's difficult
to do this kind of work without teacher training.
She was also concerned about the negative homosexual
stereotypes that kids are exposed to. She said that
they have to be dealt with by the 8th grade. She advised
calling kids on the carpet and correcting them immediately
when they say a homosexual slur, adding "Silence
is consent."
Sidebar:
North Andover
GSA Suffers Steep
Membership Decline
During a
workshop titled "Initiating Change: What One
Educator Can Do," principal Nancy Jukins of the
Thomson School in North Andover talked about the decline
of her school's gay-straight alliance. Jukins said
the GSA used to be very active a few years ago, with
30 to 40 members. Now it has only three or four students,
none of whom attended this year's Fistgate.
A handout from Jukins' class, titled How Homophobia
Hurts Us All, listed these "effects of oppression":
Homophobia compromises the integrity of heterosexual
people by pressuring them to treat others badly;
Homophobia generally limits communications with a
significant portion of the population and, more specifically,
limits family relationships;
Homophobia is one cause of premature sexual activity,
which increases the chances of pregnancy and the spread
of sexually transmitted diseases;
Homophobia prevents heterosexuals from accepting the
benefits and gifts offered by LGBT people; and
Homophobia takes energy away from more positive activities.
Both Jukins and her co-presenter, retired Michigan
science teacher Sue Olson, are GLSEN Boston board
members. Jukins also helped coordinate GLSEN Boston's
2003 Educator Retreat held late January in Provincetown.
Attended by nearly 40 educators, the "retreat"
was geared toward "gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgender adults working in any school system: pre-K
through high school."
Sidebar:
PFLAG: Destructive
Lifestyles for Children
In addition to the already
mentioned workshops, many young people attended a
workshop titled "Love Stories: Long-term GLBT
Couples," where: "Three gay and lesbian
couples in long-term committed relationships share
how they met, fell in love with their partners and
talk about life in a long-term, committed gay or lesbian
relationship."
The Greater Boston chapter of Parents and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) sponsored that workshop,
and another named The Truth about Love: Parents Talk.
PFLAG also hosted a vendor table at the conference,
where it offered a variety of pro-homosexual literature.
One brochure titled Is Homosexuality a Sin? concluded
that "God does not regard homosexuality as a
sin" and that "God approves of gays and
lesbians pledging their love in a covenant of holy
union and raising a family."
Another brochure, Be Yourself, which purported to
answer questions for "gay, lesbian and bisexual
youth," stated, "Being gay is as natural,
normal and healthy as being straight."
According to Ohio-based Mission America, "PFLAG
is active on a local and national level attempting
to infuse its radical ideas into schools, churches,
youth organizations and into national and state public
policy. There is growing support for the work of this
organization, which is being received cordially by
some schools and even corporations. Yet behind its
rhetoric of 'rights' and 'tolerance' is the sordid
reality of what PFLAG actually supports. The world
according to PFLAG would encourage children to be
self-indulgent and self-centered in every aspect of
life; to reject the wisdom of parents and other authorities
if they wish even at early ages; and to engage in
just about any sexual behavior imaginable."
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