IZZY LYMAN on Denial Syndrome in Amherst

Izzy Lyman
January 2003 Print Edition

They just don't get it. They really don't get it.

I'm referring to the busybody liberals who live in Northampton and Amherst. On November 5th, their pet causes - bilingual education, clean elections and femme governors - were given a thumbs down by the Massachusetts electorate. Concurrently, voters, at the national level, decided that a more conservative form of government was the ticket. Case closed, right? Wrong.

		The "Welcome to Mittsachusetts" bumper stickers were barely distributed when these snarky activists began a flurry of post-election tantrums that seemed directed at their victorious opponents. Remember Robert Reich? The cute little fella, who in spite of his Hollywood connections and his blather about working people, couldn't beat Shannon O'Brien in the Democratic gubernatorial primary? Well, he was invited to Amherst to speak to local Democrats in late November. He must have confused the party faithful in western Massachusetts with the denizens of Stockholm. A local newspaper reporter dutifully noted that Reich was predicting that "another era of progressivism is on its way."
Izzy Lyman

Then, in the unapologetically earthy-crunchy Amherst Bulletin, Elisa Campbell, a regular columnist, wrote this pearl of wisdom: "Most of the people I know want at least two parties, but not more Republicans. They want a party to the left of the Democrats, probably the Greens." Soon a dominant theme emerged throughout the Pioneer Valley: "We lost because we're not liberal enough."

Of course, it's the other way around. They lost because they're too liberal. Carla Howell's "Small government is beautiful" motto is incomprehensible to these people. Unfortunately, the left-wingers of Noho and the People's Republic of Amherst are just beginning their hissy fits. Here are four other ways that Election Denial Syndrome (EDS) is manifesting itself in my neck of the woods.

Protestors: In Need of a Nine-to-Five. Anti-war rallies slamming the United States military campaign against Iraq are frequent occurrences in downtown Northampton or on the Amherst Common. Being a conscientious objector is serious business, but the rhetoric spilling from the demonstrators' signs and lips is ridiculous - either 'Democracy is dead,' or 'George W. Bush is donning a cowboy hat to git Saddam,' or 'I have never been so frightened than by what is occurring in Washington.' My personal favorite is the peace ceremony that was held in an Amherst park to commemorate 9-11 and honor needy Iraqis. It featured a labyrinth made of about 500 pairs of shoes, an herbalist from Ecuador, and several drummers. The point? "Shoes are like witnesses to our commitment." Deep.

Who Gave the Voters Permission to Vote? While we're on the subject of "Democracy is dead," Amherst Town Meeting is fixing, as they say in Oklahoma, to vote in a special session to ignore the mandate of the electorate on English immersion (Question 2). The Amherst Select Board has already unanimously approved this lame petition. Meanwhile, Rep. Peter Kocot (D-Northampton) said he continues to support the notion of publicly-funded campaigns known as Clean Elections. Hello? Will someone call Kocot, and tell him that Question 3 got hammered at the polls.

SUV Owners in the Hands of an Angry God. Liberals are always fussing about the separation of church and state, but they aren't shy about using Christianity's founder to advance their anti free-market agenda. Residents of Northampton and Amherst are among those who have joined a coalition of left-wing religious and environmental leaders involved with the "What would Jesus drive?" campaign. In particular, one Paul Gorman of Amherst, the executive director of the National Religious Partnership for the Environment, is a busy guy. Henry Lamb, of the Environmental Conservation Organization, recently reported that Gorman's organization "will send materials, including bumper stickers, to 100,000 congregations and train the clergy to denounce SUVs as sinful." Jonathan Edwards, Northampton's famed Puritan preacher, who never trivialized the issue of sin, must be rolling in his you-know-what.

I Want to Graduate from Publik Skool. Irate comrades turned out in droves - even from as far away as Cambridge - to tell the Northampton School Committee why they oppose the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System test. One high school student even described the MCAS as "subtle slavery." It appears that the Northampton School Committee members are poised to break the law and become the fourth community in Massachusetts to vote, as the Daily Hampshire Gazette noted, "to defy state Department of Education regulations requiring that all students graduating on and after June 2003 must pass the MCAS test." This could be a new low in dumbing-down the Commonwealth's students.

Happy New Year! And, don't forget to make a resolution to laugh at liberal follies.