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‘Big Sister’ Sees Incredible Strength of Character; We Can Learn A Lot

By Ed Oliver
February 2002

Southborough Church Adopts 'The Lost Boys of Sudan'

Southborough’s Chapel of the Cross member Sarah Bogoian became sort of a big sister to the seven Sudanese refugees after the people who were most active with them moved away.

Sarah said, “I just love the guys. It’s impossible not to because they’re full of respect for life and for others. That is just such a nice thing to be around.”

Sarah made sure all the boys had a place to go for Thanksgiving. “They enjoyed it because they really enjoy people. They’re really very, very social, I would say.”

Sarah, and another woman, Chin Beckman, drove the boys around to job interviews, helped them fill out applications, spoke on their behalf, and gave their names as a contact person and reference.

At their jobs, Sarah said the boys are doing well as far as having a strong work ethic. “They’re always there; They don’t miss work,” she said. Although they try hard, she said, there are instances where they do it all wrong, but they have been blessed with supervisors who took a personal interest in guiding them.

Lots to Learn

Sarah said that initially, the boys made many mistakes, some of which were “really cute,” while adjusting to modern life and a different culture. “I think that they are faced with a monumental task of assimilating into this culture, and yet they are doing it against all odds,” she said.

“I tell them things like, ‘You have to hold the door for me. You have to carry these bags.’ Where they come from, a woman would carry the bags for them. If we are getting out of an elevator, I tell them, you have to stay here and let the women out first. A woman would let them go first where they come from.”

Sarah said it is hilarious every time the boys call and tell her “Sarah, this thing you tell us is a true thing.” She had told them to move their clocks back an hour. They didn’t believe it until they arrived at work an hour early. She said the boys can’t believe half the things she tells them, such as men have to take their hats off indoors and especially at the table.

Although there were many instances where the boys have done things that disturbed her, she said they have always been very apologetic. “They would say to me, ‘You have to come to us and tell us what we are doing wrong. How will we learn?’ And so, they make it easy for a person to want to care about them.”

The boys become deeply interested when Sarah talks about her parents and grandparents. The boys, some who work in nursing homes taking care of old people, are aghast that many Americans do not have a commitment to their parents in their old age.

“They don’t understand why people live in nursing homes. To them, that would be the absolute pinnacle of disrespect and failure.”

Sarah said that although the boys have educational ambitions, they have a tough situation on their hands. “Some of them have to get their high school diplomas. They work full-time jobs that pay seven or eight bucks an hour. Then they take part-time jobs as well and work sixty hours a week. Add to that all the energy it takes just to stabilize emotionally. It is so hard for us to imagine the energy drain for them to make their way through the days and the weeks. A lot of them send money home. They have incredible loyalty.”

Always Helping Others

Sarah said the boys came from a culture where they would do without eating in order to give food to the children. At first, it was very hard to get the boys to eat, she said. The boys had stomach problems and headaches related to poor nutrition. They were used to eating only one meal a day. It was almost a macho thing with them to go without, she said.

“Doing without food was an honorable thing, and a thing that you would never complain about,” she said. Sarah remembers a time that she felt famished while driving the boys to her house for dinner. She told the boys, “I’m so hungry!” They said to her, “You can’t say that!” She asked them why. “What will you say when the children say they are hungry?” they asked.

Sarah said that the boys were saying that an adult never complains that they are hungry. The children have to be comforted and have to be given food. An adult would never say they are hungry, no matter how hungry they are.

Last August, the boys were going to do landscaping work for a day. Sarah told them they would need to take food and water because they would be working outside in the heat for eight hours. They told her only women carry water and food, a man can’t carry water and food.

When she told them that in this country, nobody was going to carry their lunch for them and they can’t work for eight hours without it, they began boasting that they could go without eating or drinking for days, eight hours was nothing.

“Going without was easy for them,” said Sarah.

Sometimes she would bring their lunch to work to try to get them into the habit of eating. If they refused to eat it, she would try the tactic of saying they were not thankful, and now her feelings were hurt. It took a long time, but she finally got them to bring a lunch to work. Co-workers also noticed they didn’t eat and have pushed them along as well.

Sarah said one day she was feeling a bit self-conscious about all her material goods and big house in the suburbs, so she felt obligated to tell the boys she grew up poor by American standards in the same South Main St. area of Worcester where they are now living.

Peter Garang looked at her and said, “You did not grow up poor. You have your mother and your father.”

Amazed by Wisdom and Character

Sarah is amazed by their wisdom and character. “It is a real mystery to me how it is that their spirit has stayed so intact and so full of grace and love. They have a lot of loyalty to each other. The seven don’t always get along with each other and they often disagree. But they refuse to fight, refuse to talk poorly about one another and they refuse to cause discord.”

The boys were treated badly once on a job interview. Afterwards, Sarah was visibly upset in the car. Peter Garang looked at her and calmly said, “All people are not good.”

“These guys have an inner strength based on their life experience beyond anything we can imagine,” she said. “He said it with an acceptance, a wisdom, and a simplicity that was totally beyond anything that I have ever heard a young person in America ever say. This is what draws me to them. The wisdom that they have that is so far beyond their years.”

Sarah was excited about another job the boys applied for. She pumped them up about their prospects, but was devastated to hear they were rejected. She dreaded calling them with the bad news.

“I was really distraught and they knew it, and became protective of me. They comforted me and said they have dealt with much harder things.

“That also makes it easy to help them, easy to be around them. I don’t have to prop them up. They have incredible strength, incredible resilience. My husband and I both feel when we’re around them that they are never a drain, just the opposite. After we are with them, we really feel strengthened. We feel that they are the gift.”