Southborough Church Adopts Sudanese Refugees

It all started when Frank Diasio heard about the boys from a co-worker and decided to take them a new TV he had just bought.

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In a spontaneous outpouring of generosity, a Southborough church is looking after seven of “The Lost Boys of Sudan.”

These are the African refugees who are some of the thousands of war-orphaned young men who were resettled in the United States and other countries recently.

It all started last May with a conversation between two workers at an ice cream plant in Worcester.

A female co-worker at the plant had asked Frank Diasio if he had an extra television set. She knew Frank was a generous, church-going guy. She told him that seven young men who were refugees from Sudan just moved in downstairs from her. They were living in an empty apartment; so she thought it would be nice for them have a TV.

Matthew Tong

Benjamin Makuac

John Omiling Mateyo

Peter Garang

Frank, always on the lookout for an opportunity to help someone, thought he would visit them on the weekend and see what else they might need. He also decided before he met them that he would give them his own TV, which was brand new. He had just bought it a week before from a co-worker who won it in a raffle.

The “Lost Boys” come from southern Sudan, which is predominately Christian. In the late 1980s, they fled their villages in terror after Muslim government forces attacked their homes in the middle of the night. Most of them were ten-years-old or younger.

Many of their parents were murdered. Siblings were sold into slavery or pressed into military service. The boys who escaped walked for several months and hundreds of miles through the wilderness toward Ethiopia. Thousands died along the way from dehydration, hunger and attacks from wild animals.

After the boys reached Ethiopia, they lived in refugee camps for a few years until war drove them out of there and back into Sudan again. Soldiers shot many of the boys as they fled across a crocodile-infested river. The survivors trekked to Kenya to live in refugee camps for another seven or eight years. Relief agencies recently began resettling them in the United States and other countries.

"All they had were mattresses to sleep on that the government gave them and a couple of chairs,” said Frank about his initial visit with the boys at their Worcester apartment. After he set up the TV in their bare apartment, he tried to start a dialogue. “They spoke English just barely enough for us to communicate,” he said.

Frank asked them if they knew who Michael Jordan was, but he said the conversation didn’t go too far. He thought a minute and then he asked them if they knew who Jesus Christ was. “Then they all started smiling, and that kind of broke the ice,” he said. “That was our common denominator. They said, ‘Yeah, yeah, Jesus! Jesus!’ I said, ‘do you want to go to church with me?’ They said, ‘Yeah, yeah.’ I said, ‘Tomorrow’s Sunday. Do you want to go with me?’ They said, ‘Yeah.’ I gave them my phone number and the next morning they called and asked me when I was taking them to church.”

It took two trips, but Frank drove them all to “Chapel of the Cross” in Southborough where he lives. The church has about 250 members and is a member of the Northeast Baptist Conference.

“When you walk into a church in Southborough with seven guys from Sudan, they stick out like a sore thumb,” said Frank with a chuckle.

The members gave the boys a warm welcome. By early evening they marshaled a caravan of eight vehicles filled with clothes, furniture and food, which they delivered to the boys’ empty apartment.

The boys needed patient mentors to guide them. Everything was new to them in America. They had been whisked from a primitive cow-herding culture and dropped overnight into the hectic, technological surroundings of modern day civilization. The resettlement agency gave the boys some help, but there was still much to learn. For the next three or four months, church members took on different duties to help the boys get on their feet.

For starters, they took turns giving them rides to church every Sunday. It took some effort to transport seven guys from Worcester to Southborough and back, every week. “They didn’t miss a Sunday for the first four months,” said Frank.

Others helped by taking the boys to job interviews and helping them to fill out applications, etc. All the boys obtained jobs at nursing homes, hospital kitchens and supermarkets.

Frank Diasio and Pastor Tom Sparling are enthusiastic about the boys.

One member visited the boys once a week to teach them English. He also took them on field trips to New York, New Hampshire and the zoo, among other places. He brought them frequently to his home to interact with his family, and learn American customs and manners.

Other families had the boys over on weekends for cookouts, to watch movies, play volleyball and soccer with the kids, and learn to do yard work using rakes, leaf blowers and other tools they might be asked to use by an employer, such as a landscaper.

One member gave them a computer and taught them to use it. Another gave them bicycles to get around with. Sometimes after church, people would take them out to eat at Burger King or for pizza. Someone else taught a few of the boys to drive.

Senior Pastor Tom Sparling tells MassNews that the membership deserves the credit for taking the initiative to help the refugees.

“What excites me about it is, first of all, it is a chance to touch people’s lives who are in great need. It’s consistent with who we are as a church and the heart we believe God has given us for the region. It grew out of our lay people, which is really how we want to see things like this happen.”

Frank Diasio told MassNews, “It’s just a blessing to watch these guys grow in their faith in Jesus and to watch the way they are adjusting to their American lives after the pain and suffering they’ve gone through. Once we met them, we could not help but be touched by their gentleness. It rubs off in our own lives.”

It wasn’t hard to make friends with the seven refugees from Sudan. At an interview with them one evening at their Worcester apartment, this reporter was greeted with hugs and handshakes from every one of them.

Frank Diasio, who first befriended the refugees, suggested we bring along some pizza. The guys love pizza he said. They had never tasted it before coming to America. After the pizza quickly disappeared, the boys good-naturedly sat down to talk, even though it was late and they were obviously tired from a long day at work.

The boys said that in Africa they used to eat what is called “paper food,” which is the main food of Sudan. They said it isn’t bread. It is made from grain and is light and soft.

The boys wrote down their names. Some of them tack their Christian names onto their traditional names or just use their traditional names.

They said they come from the village of Yirol, in Southern Sudan. They speak the Dinka language, as well as Swahili, Arabic, Atuot and Latoko.

Armed soldiers attacked Yirol over a decade ago they said, causing the boys to endure a months-long grueling and deadly exodus out of Sudan.

They told MassNews they miss their families and are worried about their surviving relatives back in Africa. Some are in refugee camps; others are dead or missing. The boys work long hours at low pay in order to support themselves and send money home, which does not always get to the intended recipients.

While relief agencies try to help the refugees to reestablish contact with their families, in most cases it is hopeless.

One of the boys, who was with this group in Worcester when they first arrived here, moved on to California with a Southborough church family who took him in. He started college there, but recently got word that an uncle has been resettled in Minnesota. He is moving to Minnesota now to live with his uncle.

Of the other boys, some spoke better English than others, but they all wanted to say a few words:

Clement Chan Mou said his parents were killed during the attack on his village. He hasn’t heard any word about his seven siblings. Clement sends money to his wife and baby in the Kenyan refugee camp.

“I would like to thank God that I am here in America. I would like to thank the American people who know about the problem in Sudan and let these young boys come to establish their lives. God is with us all the time. Life here is not like life in the camp. I have to learn everything when I come. A lot of things are new to me, like the supermarket.” Clement works in the kitchen at St. Vincent’s Hospital.

John Odiongo Oboro hasn’t heard any word about his parents and three siblings.

He said when they first came here, they never went out and did not know how to shop or cook. The lady upstairs took notice and told Frank about them. They went to church with Frank. “We prayed. We ate at church. They give us food to bring home. They give us everything. Everything that we are having here now is from Temple Cross. They give us money. We went with lady to grocery. We did not know what to buy.”

John wants to go to school but does not know what to study yet. He works at St. Francis Nursing Home.

Matthew Tong (Tong Tong) just got word his mother is alive. He remembers seeing soldiers shoot two of his brothers inside of his house. He is in contact by phone with a brother and sister.

When he first arrived in Worcester; Matthew says he was very scared and stayed inside. He did not know if strangers would kill him if he went outside. He said the Southborough church helped him to not be afraid of people. He said they gave him shoes, clothes, blankets, food and everything he needed. “Now we are satisfied,” he said.

Matthew said he would like to become a doctor, but without money, it will be very difficult. He said he would like to go back to help his people after that. Matthew also works at St. Vincent’s.

John Omiling Mateyo hasn’t heard anything about his parents and three brothers and three sisters.

John dreams of getting an education in agriculture and mechanical engineering, and moving back to Sudan to find his family if the situation improves. He also works at St. Vincent’s.

Dan Williams (Mangar Nhial) hasn’t heard anything of his parents. As for his five brothers and two sisters, he was recently put in contact with a brother in Uganda.

“The people in the United States are so nice,” said Dan. “People have an interest in helping people and have a human ability which I can call the love of people. For me, America is different from where I have been.”

Dan hopes to go to school someday to learn business administration. He said he would then go back to Africa to help his people because he feels God has helped him. Dan works in the cafeteria at Worcester State College.

Benjamin Makuac (Boi Chap Chap) said he is in contact with his mother through the Red Cross. He has not seen her since 1987. He said part of their village, Yirol, is in the hands of SPLA rebels who are fighting the Muslims.

Benjamin said that at the Kakuma refugee camp, people would prey on the refugees at night by shooting and robbing them. He said he doesn’t know very much about this country, but the American people “really care about the people who do not have anything. America is a good society.”

When he first came here, Benjamin said he had no hope for the future. He said he now has hope. His first worry when he came here was his basic survival, which people have helped him with. His hopes to become a pharmacist, because he assisted a pharmacist in the refugee camp. Benjamin works at St. Francis Nursing Home.

Peter Garang (Maker Marial) is in contact by mail with his three sisters and brother. Peter said after coming to America, “Our life now is changed to good life.”

The boys said they come from a farming and herding community. If you own a lot of cows in Sudan, they said, you are respected. It is like having a lot of money. You even pay for a wife with cows. The price can go as high as hundreds of cows. “If you competing with seven men, you have to pay a lot of cows,” they said.

Before leaving, the boys played a cassette tape of a village elder singing. During the song, a cow joins in. They said the elder’s song inspired the cow to sing.

They said a Sudanese intellectual visited their village a long time ago and recorded the old man singing. They said somebody at the Kakuma camp gave them the tape to take with them to the U.S. so they would remember their roots.

One of the boys said, “He’s singing about courage. He told the people, when there is a war, don’t lose hope. There will be a time one day when God will bring peace to our beautiful land.”

This church in Southboro, Chapel of the Cross, has been enriched with the friendship of the boys from Sudan.

Southborough’s Chapel of the Cross member Sarah Bogoian became sort of a big sister to the seven Sudanese refugees after the people who were most active with them moved away.

Sarah said, “I just love the guys. It’s impossible not to because they’re full of respect for life and for others. That is just such a nice thing to be around.”

Sarah made sure all the boys had a place to go for Thanksgiving. “They enjoyed it because they really enjoy people. They’re really very, very social, I would say.”

Sarah, and another woman, Chin Beckman, drove the boys around to job interviews, helped them fill out applications, spoke on their behalf, and gave their names as a contact person and reference.

At their jobs, Sarah said the boys are doing well as far as having a strong work ethic. “They’re always there; They don’t miss work,” she said. Although they try hard, she said, there are instances where they do it all wrong, but they have been blessed with supervisors who took a personal interest in guiding them.

Sarah said that initially, the boys made many mistakes, some of which were “really cute,” while adjusting to modern life and a different culture. “I think that they are faced with a monumental task of assimilating into this culture, and yet they are doing it against all odds,” she said.

“I tell them things like, ‘You have to hold the door for me. You have to carry these bags.’ Where they come from, a woman would carry the bags for them. If we are getting out of an elevator, I tell them, you have to stay here and let the women out first. A woman would let them go first where they come from.”

Sarah said it is hilarious every time the boys call and tell her “Sarah, this thing you tell us is a true thing.” She had told them to move their clocks back an hour. They didn’t believe it until they arrived at work an hour early. She said the boys can’t believe half the things she tells them, such as men have to take their hats off indoors and especially at the table.

Although there were many instances where the boys have done things that disturbed her, she said they have always been very apologetic. “They would say to me, ‘You have to come to us and tell us what we are doing wrong. How will we learn?’ And so, they make it easy for a person to want to care about them.”

The boys become deeply interested when Sarah talks about her parents and grandparents. The boys, some who work in nursing homes taking care of old people, are aghast that many Americans do not have a commitment to their parents in their old age.

“They don’t understand why people live in nursing homes. To them, that would be the absolute pinnacle of disrespect and failure.”

Sarah said that although the boys have educational ambitions, they have a tough situation on their hands. “Some of them have to get their high school diplomas. They work full-time jobs that pay seven or eight bucks an hour. Then they take part-time jobs as well and work sixty hours a week. Add to that all the energy it takes just to stabilize emotionally. It is so hard for us to imagine the energy drain for them to make their way through the days and the weeks. A lot of them send money home. They have incredible loyalty.”

Sarah said the boys came from a culture where they would do without eating in order to give food to the children. At first, it was very hard to get the boys to eat, she said. The boys had stomach problems and headaches related to poor nutrition. They were used to eating only one meal a day. It was almost a macho thing with them to go without, she said.

“Doing without food was an honorable thing, and a thing that you would never complain about,” she said. Sarah remembers a time that she felt famished while driving the boys to her house for dinner. She told the boys, “I’m so hungry!” They said to her, “You can’t say that!” She asked them why. “What will you say when the children say they are hungry?” they asked.

Sarah said that the boys were saying that an adult never complains that they are hungry. The children have to be comforted and have to be given food. An adult would never say they are hungry, no matter how hungry they are.

Last August, the boys were going to do landscaping work for a day. Sarah told them they would need to take food and water because they would be working outside in the heat for eight hours. They told her only women carry water and food, a man can’t carry water and food.

When she told them that in this country, nobody was going to carry their lunch for them and they can’t work for eight hours without it, they began boasting that they could go without eating or drinking for days, eight hours was nothing.

Sometimes she would bring their lunch to work to try to get them into the habit of eating. If they refused to eat it, she would try the tactic of saying they were not thankful, and now her feelings were hurt. It took a long time, but she finally got them to bring a lunch to work. Co-workers also noticed they didn’t eat and have pushed them along as well.

Sarah said one day she was feeling a bit self-conscious about all her material goods and big house in the suburbs, so she felt obligated to tell the boys she grew up poor by American standards in the same South Main St. area of Worcester where they are now living.

Peter Garang looked at her and said, “You did not grow up poor. You have your mother and your father.”

Sarah is amazed by their wisdom and character. “It is a real mystery to me how it is that their spirit has stayed so intact and so full of grace and love. They have a lot of loyalty to each other. The seven don’t always get along with each other and they often disagree. But they refuse to fight, refuse to talk poorly about one another and they refuse to cause discord.”

The boys were treated badly once on a job interview. Afterwards, Sarah was visibly upset in the car. Peter Garang looked at her and calmly said, “All people are not good.”

“These guys have an inner strength based on their life experience beyond anything we can imagine,” she said. “He said it with an acceptance, a wisdom, and a simplicity that was totally beyond anything that I have ever heard a young person in America ever say. This is what draws me to them. The wisdom that they have that is so far beyond their years.”

Sarah was excited about another job the boys applied for. She pumped them up about their prospects, but was devastated to hear they were rejected. She dreaded calling them with the bad news.

“I was really distraught and they knew it, and became protective of me. They comforted me and said they have dealt with much harder things.

“That also makes it easy to help them, easy to be around them. I don’t have to prop them up. They have incredible strength, incredible resilience. My husband and I both feel when we’re around them that they are never a drain, just the opposite. After we are with them, we really feel strengthened. We feel that they are the gift.”