Inside a ‘Batterers Program’ for ‘Abused’ Women

If you doubt that social workers are trying to divide men and women, please read this story about what is actually happening.

This story starts on the day after Nev Moore refused to follow DSS commands and leave her husband, Tom.

Was this just two social workers raising more dollars for their growth industry which now grosses $12 billion each year?

Or was it just two unhappy, radical feminists or lesbians who dislike men with great intensity?

I would not get my child back until my attitude changed.

Most people would agree it was probably both. If a person can make money while bashing those they dislike, many people would jump at the opportunity.

Whatever the explanation, there’s no doubt that Nev Moore and her family were caught in a net, with the state violating their most precious, natural rights and their Constitutional rights.

There’s also no doubt that this is a persistent pattern in Massachusetts for anyone who has the courage to look.

By Nev Moore
January 2002

I was forced by DSS to attend a “support group” for abused women, against my will. Or else I would never see my daughter again. That is what they told me.

I was required to report every week to the Independence House, Hyannis, although it’s supposedly for women who seek their help. It’s run primarily by volunteers who are not counselors, therapists, or psychologists. They are all former battered women. Yet my DSS “service plan” stated that I had to attend for “treatment.”

The meetings were held behind closed doors.

I can’t possibly express how much I hated and resented being in that room. The women were, in general, obsessive, neurotic, and vengeful. At the beginning of each meeting they went around the room and each woman was supposed to say a “brag” for the week. I did not want to participate in this childish game.

The first week I was there, one woman’s “brag for the week” was that she’d had an abortion. Her DSS worker had suggested that she talk about it. Regardless of whether you are pro-choice or pro-life, most people would agree this is a sad, intimate and private act, certainly not a “brag of the week” in a roomful of strangers.

There was a volunteer facilitator and a confidentiality notice was read at the start of each meeting. It said that women did not have to talk if they didn’t want to. Whatever you said in the room was strictly confidential and would not leave the room.

It Was Repulsive

Each woman is worth many dollars to DSS and to Independence House. The more clients – the more funding dollars.

I found it repulsive. And yet this is where I was ordered to go for “treatment” to “raise my self-esteem” if I wanted to have my daughter again. Some women had been away from their ex’s for six to eight years, yet continued to go to the meetings. It was like their victimhood was an all encompassing identity. They were addicted to being a “victim” so people would feel sorry for them.

Many said that although their husbands never actually abused or controlled them, they didn’t always agree with them. So that was abusive. Many other women said, “I never knew I was being abused until I came to Independence House.” [Hmmm…]

One woman who was not being abused, but I guess was just lonely, would often talk for the entire two hours. She was very loud and aggressive, constantly interrupting others. She told us that she was taking night courses, and her (male) teacher had asked her to stop interrupting and dominating the classroom. She proudly told us that she called him at his home and informed him in no uncertain terms that he had verbally abused her. It was easy to understand why she was lonely. The support group was like a social club for her, where she had a hostage audience.

There were other women who were, as my teenagers say, right off-the-loop. They were so intense and obsessive that they frightened me. Some would rock on the floor and wail, or curl into a fetal position and cry loudly throughout the meeting. One wanted to go to court and get a court order to have her ex sterilized so that he could never have children with another woman. Another (divorced from her ex) wanted to know where his P.O. box was. The women got all excited, jumping up and down, and yelling out: “Follow him,” “Watch him,” and “Pay someone to follow him.” I believe if men do this it’s called “stalking.”

I felt like I was trapped in the piranha tank at feeding time.

On other nights, the group would be in depression mode, weeping and wailing. I don’t mean to sound harsh and unsympathetic, but I did not want to be held hostage in a room listening to other people’s problems. It was depressing and distasteful. At times when I was bored to the point I thought I was going to start crying, I would take out my wallet and make out my grocery list on a scrap of paper. The facilitator told me that wasn’t allowed because I might be taking notes on what the women were saying. This is an accurate insight to the paranoia, negativity, and suspiciousness that pervades Independence House.

Making Money

I realized that I never heard a facilitator encourage a woman to heal and move on with her life. They encouraged women to stay stuck in the victim mentality. I realized that, if women move on, they would no longer be clients. Each woman is worth many dollars to DSS and to Independence House. The more clients – the more funding dollars.

Every week I received calls from our DSS supervisor, Larry Vadeboncoeur, chastising me for my “attitude” at the support group. He told me during a visit at DSS that I would not get my child back until my attitude changed and I “processed my issues” and “did my stuff.” What “stuff” was never identified, even after repeated requests from me for clarification. After all, I don’t have a degree in psychology, so I don’t understand these professional terms, like “client needs to do her stuff.”

When I told Mr. Vadeboncoeur what went on in the meetings and that they were terribly depressing and distasteful, he snapped, “That is not what goes on at Independence House!”

I didn’t “share much” in the meetings because I felt nothing in common with the group. I said that I was forced to be there against my will and they needed to remove the word “Independence” from their title and stop handing out mugs that said: “Independence: the Freedom to make your own choices.”

When I couldn’t stand the breast-beating victim dance any more, I would offer small pieces of input. My feeling is that, if the guy was that bad, then good riddance to bad rubbish. By sitting in these groups forever and rehashing abuse, real or perceived, a woman keeps the wounds open and allows the man to still have power over her.

Each week I continued to get chastised by the DSS supervisor, Larry Vadeboncoeur, for my poor attitude and “not accepting the message.” I was, much later, to read in my DSS file that, if they forced me to attend those meetings, I would “relate to” and “form a bond” with the women there. (Translation: accept the indoctrination and embrace my victimhood.)

It Was ‘Confidential’

I began to wonder how what I was saying behind closed doors at a confidential support group in Hyannis was finding its way to a DSS supervisor in an office in Yarmouth.

On two occasions I spoke with one of the directors at Independence House, Natalie Dupres. I told her that DSS was using the fact that I did not want to attend her meetings to keep my child from coming home. Ms. Dupres assured me that they never called or spoke to DSS. She said that even with a release from a client, they could only verify attendance and participation. They would “never disclose the content of what is discussed in a support group.”

She added, “You know what DSS is like,” inferring that DSS was making it up. The only problem with this was that DSS was repeating, verbatim, what I actually was saying behind closed doors, including things that I deliberately fed into the group discussion just to see if they made their way back to me. They did. Ms. Dupres was never actually present in the support group meetings, which means that the group facilitators had been instructed to report back what I said in meetings.

The fact that I did not want to be there, and found the meetings boring and repulsive just increased my resentment and antagonism. But, with our child held hostage, I would have done anything that anyone ordered me to do.

Eventually, Independence House decided that they did not want me there informing the other women that they were primarily funded by DSS and that what the women said in the group could be reported back to DSS and used against them. At that point DSS decided that I had “processed my issues” as far as I was going to. So I was released from my enforced obligation to attend. The funding they received because I was attending was not worth having their little secrets exposed.

Our weekly schedule of mandated “tasks” for my husband and me included individual counseling for each of us, “angry man” classes for my husband, parenting classes at Independence House, random urine screens and three AA meetings a week for my husband, a weekly supervised visit at the DSS office, plus court days and meetings at the DSS office.

The More Families in DSS ... More $$$ for Everyone